


for all of my love (i am still breathing)

by BecomeMyObsession



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Attempted suicide warning, Deckerstar - Freeform, Endgame Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Happy Ending, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Seriously this is angsty, Tropes, post 4x10, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BecomeMyObsession/pseuds/BecomeMyObsession
Summary: Lucifer left. Chloe tried to move on.Turns out things aren't as simple as they'd originally thought.Why does that come as a surprise?
Relationships: Amenadiel/Linda Martin (Lucifer TV), Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 28
Kudos: 164





	for all of my love (i am still breathing)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING first: if you're triggered by suicide, attempted suicide, or anything related - this is your warning. 
> 
> Okay, so this got away from me. It was a plot bunny that was definitely _not_ supposed to be this long... I'm not even sure what happened but nearly 20,000 words later, here you have it. 
> 
> There's a little bit of everything, everyone is in character - but it's seriously angsty. Way more than I intended. I suppose the characters wanted it this way, when I get in the flow it just doesn't stop until they do. By the way I love the never ending potential of Charlie.
> 
> I promise you, bare with it, there is a happy ending and Lucifer/Chloe forever <3, our babies will have their happy ending. They will. 
> 
> Totally going to be AU, as we all pretty much agree at the end of S6 Chloe will be Queen of Hell, right? Totally going to happen. Way too many hints in the show, and all us fanfic writers seem to be mostly on the same page. Plus the actors have already said it isn't going to be your typical "grow old together and die" ending- so there's that. Who's for Chloe Queen of Hell? However... not in this fic, because this needed to be written... before i'm jossed and everything turns out different xD. 
> 
> Remember none of my works are beta'd, only proof read by me. I do re-read and correct as time goes on, but if you notice any I am totally to blame. Enjoy this runaway fic, as it doesn't happen that often, and this was haaaard to write... but I hope I did them justice.
> 
> Title is an adaption of 'Faith's Song - Amy Wadge.' It's what I had in mind while writing this.

The first person to mention anything was Ella, which shouldn’t have been a surprise considering her deduction abilities that came with being a forensic scientist, and well, Ella had always been observant.

“Girl, you’re looking _good_.” Ella had drawn out the word ‘good’, so it rolled off her tongue. Her ponytail bouncing as she looked at her. “I mean, Chloe, how old are you now? ‘Cause you’re not looking a day over thirty-five. You’ve _got_ to tell me your skin care regime.”

Chloe wasn’t really listening to the babble of speech flowing from Ella’s mouth, shooting her a fond smile instead as she crouched down beside the body who had unfortunately been stabbed through the stomach with a fire poker. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Thanks Ella, but-” she gestured at the dead body next to her and raised her eyebrows, _details_.

Ella grinned, still managing to look sheepish despite her track record of getting distracted at crime scenes. “Ah, yes. Sorry Chlo.” She checked the notepad she still had in her hands. “So, vic died sometime last night in the evening, I’ll get an exact time of death for you by the end of the day. Looks like there was a small struggle over there by the door, and then, well, this poor guy got stabbed with the poker sticking out his chest.” Ella looked sympathetically at the body. “Gnarly. I feel for the guy.”

Chloe agreed, nodding as she regarded the body, the scuffed boot marks and the awkward position the guy’s head was in as it was half propped up on the fire surrounds marble base. “Yeah, looks like a crime of passion. So perhaps an ex-lover. Do we have any details on who he was with last night?”

“No’p’e.” Ella shook her head as she popped her ‘p’, her ponytail dramatically swinging side to side. “I think Dan has the next of kin info.”

Sighing, Chloe stood up and nodded. “Okay, I’ll give him a call and see what he thinks.” She smiled, noticing Ella was still peering at her strangely. “Thanks Ella. Anything else?”

“Not right now, I’ll get the body back to the lab and let you know when forensics come through.” She tucked her notepad under her arm, pen going behind her ear. “Really though Chlo, you’re looking really good.”

Chloe laughed, shaking off the weird looks Ella was shooting her. Maybe she was just sleeping better? She thought about it, no, definitely not she hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep since Luci- she cut her own thought track off and shook her head. She wasn’t going down that path, not now. It only ended in despair. She’d know, she’d done it enough times over the past few years.

Still, she placed a hand on Ella’s shoulder as she brushed past her. Part of her still aching for the soft footfalls of her partner from years ago- she had never taken a new partner since, she’d tried, and it hadn’t felt right. Weird. Unfamiliar. So she’d passed him onto Dan and worked alone since, only calling in help when needed.

She chose to ignore Ella’s statement and headed towards the exit, only half rolling her eyes as Ella called after her.

_“Text me your skincare routine!”_

* * *

It was almost a year later when someone else mentioned it.

She’d forgotten about the weird conversation with Ella, and her friend hadn’t mentioned it again- at least not for a while. Chloe had text her what she used, nothing fancy, just a few skin moisturizers as she had been prone to skin issues since she was a teenager and they’d become a habit. Come to think of it, she hadn’t had any issues for a few years; but that thought was fleeting and unimportant, so she forgot it almost as quickly as it came.

More important things to worry about. Like the case she was currently working on.

Then, one bright sunny L.A. morning while she was prepping coffee for herself and Trixie’s breakfast, before her ratty teen got out of bed for school, the doorbell rang. She went to answer it and the mailman, the same mailman she’d had since she moved here just over five years ago, passed her an Amazon parcel. He smiled at her as she took it from him and signed his little machine.

“Good morning, Miss Decker.” He smiled again and she tilted her head at him in confusion, was there something else he needed from her? “You’re looking bright today. I swear you never change.”

“Uh, thanks?” She sent him a small smile before closing the door on the strange situation. She pinched her brow for a second, thinking... However, her thinking didn’t go very far before she was distracted by a clatter and a half-asleep gangly daughter appearing in the hallway. She smiled at her sleepy daughter. “Morning monkey. Pancakes are almost ready.”

Her daughter peered at her through too long hair, though she refused to go to a hairdresser and Chloe had no say in the matter anymore. “Mom, I told you not to call me that anymore.” She huffed, shuffling her way towards the kitchenette.

Chloe rolled her eyes. _Of course._ Her baby was growing up.

* * *

It was still hard. Missing _him_. She refused to say his name, almost had managed to stop herself thinking it now. It hurt too much, knowing he was _down there_ for how long now? She knew time passed quicker there- had it been thousands of years already?

She tried not to think about it because if she did an overwhelming sense of guilt almost swallowed her whole.

She knew what that did to one’s soul.

Still, she was always the responsible one, and had – at first, very hesitantly – taken Lucifer’s slots with Linda. She had invited her and originally she’d refused, it felt strange talking to a friend as a therapist, and Chloe liked to deal with her issues alone.

However, Linda wasn’t coming out for Tribe nights as much anymore as she had Charlie to deal with, so Chloe agreed to her requests, and, well, Linda was definitely persistent she’d give her that. She had started going as a way to catch up with her friend, but it ended up being rather useful for her. Maybe not for her guilt, her sorrow, after all it _was_ mostly her fault; but Linda was certainly able to help in other areas.

Just not when it came to Luci- _him_.

Work issues. Life issues. Dealing with a child turning into a teenager rather rapidly in front of her.

There were a lot of other situations in her life that were difficult to deal with other than _him_.

Also, Chloe guessed, Linda was gaining perspective on what it was like to raise a teenager who decided one day she loved pancakes, and the next they were the most abhorrent thing on the planet. Hormones were incredibly difficult to deal with- Chloe couldn’t remember being this much trouble for her parents, but perhaps she was. Then, there was, well, the _crushes_...

“Linda, I swear, she thinks this boy at school is the love of her life.” She grimaced, running one hand over her eyes. “I’m worried she’s going to start following him home.”

Linda laughed, but her eyes were sympathetic. “You have to let her make her own mistakes with boys at some point.”

“But she’s barely a teenager!” Chloe raised her eyes heavenwards. “Couldn’t this come, like, in another five years? I’m not ready to deal with it yet.” She sunk back against Linda’s comfortable couch.

“She’s at an age now where boys are becoming of interest.” Linda smiled. “Don’t worry, she’s still young enough that she’ll need her Mom if anything happens.”

 _Anything happens._ Chloe frowned. “As horrible as this sounds, I hope you’re talking about broken hearts and not-” _that_. She cringed, definitely too early for that one yet.

“You mean sex? Yes, I am sure that is while away for her yet Chlo. Don’t worry, you’ll be ready when it does.” Linda stood up from her desk, stretching her arms over her head. “Not sure how I’m going to cope when Charlie hits that age.” Her laugh was softer this time as she thought about her son. “Thankfully no wings yet, so least we won’t need to worry about _that_ when he-”

“Ew, Linda.” Chloe held up a hand, laughing. “I don’t need to know what you and Amenadiel do when you’re alone.” She scrunched up her face at the thought. “But Charlie is still a toddler. I bet you when puberty hits he’ll be shedding feathers faster than you can vacuum them.”

“I’ll get Amenadiel to handle that.” Linda’s eyes crinkled as she smiled. “Angel stuff is his territory.”

They both laughed. It was so easy to talk to Linda, especially about all the crazy stuff that had happened in their lives. For Linda, still was in her daily life. Chloe didn’t see Amenadiel much anymore. She saw Maze when she was in town and they managed to catch each other for a drink and a night out. Though she usually avoided Lux. Going near the place caused her heart palpitations. She knew Maze had taken it over, and it was still going strongly, and Lucif- _his_ penthouse was untouched- _just in case._

She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Linda must have seen the turn to her thoughts because she came to sit next to her on the couch. Placing a hand over hers which were entangled in her lap. Her eyes soft as she spoke. “Chloe, if you want we can talk about-”

Chloe cut her off, smiling, though her eyes a little watery as she could feel the wetness. “I’m good.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “All good.” She affirmed, and smiled at Linda.

Nodding in understanding, Linda patted her hands twice and took them back. “Okay.” She pushed her glasses up her nose. “But you know I’m always here.”

 _When you’re ready._ Said the unspoken words.

“Thanks.” Chloe smiled tightly. She knew Linda was only trying to help and be a supportive friend. “Really Linda, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’m always here when you need me. Just a text away!” She laughed. “However, it’s getting late and I have to cook dinner and prepare Charlie’s food-” She paused, looking at Chloe staring at her hands in her lap. “Do you want to join us?”

Chloe’s head snapped up, eyes wide. “Oh no, I couldn’t interve-”

Linda waved a hand at her. “Nonsense. I know it’s Dan’s night to have Trixie.” They were still custody sharing to Trixie’s dismay, she apparently didn’t like being between two places. But she was still under 18 and had no choice, all parents need a break sometimes. “Come, I cook a mean lasagna.” She grinned.

Chloe returned the smile, nodding. “Okay, sure.” She swallowed thickly. “Thank you, Linda.”

“Don’t mention it.” Linda’s eyes were kind and her smile reassuring. “We’re family.”

* * *

A few more years passed. There were still the odd comments here and there that Chloe mostly ignored. She just had good genes she supposed.

She could think of him now. _Lucifer_. There was still an ache in her chest, and a Lucifer shaped hole he’d left behind. Yet, his name didn’t threaten to break her anymore. Thankfully. Though she wasn’t entirely sure if it was because she’d suppressed the emotions enough that she was in even deeper denial, or it was just because enough time had passed. She hadn’t asked Linda – in fact they still hadn’t talked about Lucifer yet, but Chloe was feeling more and more confident to broker the topic in her coming sessions. She just needed to get herself together.

She’d even started frequenting Lux again, not too often though, and the first time was the hardest. Maze had to practically shove her through the front doors of the building. She felt accomplished.

They were there now. Her Tribe. The Tribe. Whoever’s Tribe it was. For the first time in a long time they were all together, at Lux, drunk around the bar. There was a tinge of longing in the air between them for better times, when a certain man would stroll through the club, turning people’s gazes as he captivated the room.

“Here’s to early retirement!” Ella toasted, cutting off Chloe’s thoughts. Her glass sloshing as she picked it up too quickly and held it in the air. “I hope _I_ can retire early.”

Linda laughed, resting her hand under her chin as she propped herself up on the bar. “It’s only a few years early.”

“Still, big step. All those hours in the office are behind you and you’re free!” Ella grinned, leaning closer to them drunkenly. “Does this mean you’re going to come out with us more often?”

“No. I’m getting too old for casual drinking.” Linda blinked, slowly. “I definitely cannot handle my margaritas anymore.”

“You could never handle your margaritas Linda.” Maze smirked, pushing Linda back onto her seat as she began to slide off.

“Mm, t-true.” Linda giggled, almost face planting the bar top.

Linda was retiring a few years early to look after Charlie who was, well, demonstrating some _weird talents_ his school had said. Maze and Chloe had both told Linda ‘told you so’ when she’d relayed that information. Yet, as parents Amenadiel and Linda had decided they both needed to be home to keep an eye on him until everything developed... properly.

Still, her friend-turned-therapist-still-friend, told Chloe she’d still see her. More as a friend, and at home, but still there if she needed her. Chloe did.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to retire.” Chloe sighed, staring at her drink. “Too much murder, not enough time.” She snorted, jumping at the sound and giggling. Yep, she was drunk alright.

“Not if you keep looking like that!” Ella exclaimed. “Guys, don’t you think? Chloe do you even _feel_ older...” She trailed off and hiccupped.

“Ella, you’re drunk.” Chloe chuckled. “I still look older than you.”

Maze peered at her, then at Ella, and back at her. “Actually, you both look the same age.”

Chloe shrugged a shoulder, dismissing it. “Good genes.”

“We could be twins!” Ella grinned, jumping up from her stool too quickly. Maze, still mostly sober as ever, grabbed her by the elbow, helping her steady herself.

“We’re not twins.” Chloe laughed at the absurdity of Ella’s statement. Her friend was going to have one Hell of a hangover in the morning.

“You were like my older sister, now you’re like my age, so twins!” Ella slurred, plonking herself back down on her chair.

“I think it’s time you stopped drinking.” Chloe tugged the drink from Ella’s grasp, it went willingly, and she dropped it on the bar. It seemed to move on its own on the wet surface, sliding sidewards and over the other side, she heard it smashing to the floor. She stared at it for a second, before shrugging as the bartender moved to clean it up without saying anything. Apparently, her privileges here still stood.

Ella sniggered. “Okay! Okay! Tribey forever.” She hugged Chloe messily, arms flailing as they tried to find her through blurry vision.

Linda stirred. “To the Tribe!” She slurred from where her head lay on the bar still. 

Maze chuckled, knocking her drink back in one go. “Yeah yeah.” Yet despite her words she was staring fondly at the near passed out Linda. “Think it’s bedtime for the humans.” It was a joke, but Chloe immediately tensed and looked over at Ella; relaxing when she realized Ella was too far gone with her eyes closed and swaying to the thumping music. Maze noticed. “Chill, Decker.” She gestured at Chloe’s drink with her chin. “Finish your drink, time to get these two home.”

Chloe was sobering up, already feeling the beginnings of a headache. She nodded, quickly sipping the last of her drink and sliding off her stool, moving to help Ella who was already trying to stand and not succeeding. “Should we call Amenadiel?” She asked as Ellla’s hands grasped onto her sleeves for balance.

Maze waved her phone in the air. “Already text him. He’s outside.”

“Okay.” She gently took Ella’s upper arm. “Let’s go.” She began to walk in the direction of the exit.

“Hey Chloe!” She turned at Maze’s raised voice. Maze scratched the back of her head awkwardly and looked away. “You, uh, did good tonight.”

Chloe understood, smiling at her ex-roommate. “Thanks Maze.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She didn’t.

* * *

Another year or so passed.

Time flies when you stay busy. Apparently.

Trixie was now getting ready for college, her boyfriend picking her up to drive her across the State tomorrow morning.

Chloe and Linda were sat in the latter’s living room, sipping on their last glasses of red. The empty bottle sat abandoned on the wooden coffee table in front of them and Chloe stared at it. “You said I’d be ready.” She shook her head. “I’m definitely not ready.”

Linda sighed, happily well into retirement now, and watched as a young boy strolled out his bedroom to the fridge and back to his room. Charlie still didn’t have wings, but he had been gifted with some of his father’s... abilities. Instead of being able to slow time, he had inherited what seemed like a watered-down version and was able to freeze individual people and objects at a time. He waved at his Mom as he disappeared back into his room.

“We’re never ready for our kids to grow up.” Linda countered. “I feel like I have to watch Charlie like a hawk, in case he does anything strange.”

Chloe chuckled. “I can imagine that’s hard.”

Linda’s voice rose a few octaves. “Oh boy! _It is._ Oh my God, it is.”

“Here I am moping about Trixie going to college, like every other 18 year old, and here you are still dealing with an Angelic kid who may or may not sprout wings.” Chloe shook her head, apologetic. “I’m sorry I unload all my issues onto you.”

Linda help up a hand to stop her. “Don’t. I’m built for it.” She smiled. “I dealt with Lucifer’s issues for years. I can handle a bit of teenage angst and understandable Mom nerves.”

No pain. No heart clenching unbearable agony. Lucifer’s name almost had no impact on her now. She was fully functioning; yet she still didn’t actively think of him in Hell, knowing he was miserable and suffering- _that_ caused her pain. So, she purposely avoided thinking about it.

“It’s been so long.” She whispered softly, eyes glazing over as she allowed herself to think about him.

Linda nodded. “Almost a decade now.” She placed her hand over Chloe’s. “I know you still struggle sometimes.”

At night. Alone. In the sheets and desperation of her dreams. She struggled more then. Her subconscious torturing her for past mistakes and his current demise when she woke up tangled and sweaty, her hair stuck to her temples. Still, she shook it off and smiled at her friend. “Sometimes.”

“Still here if you want to talk about it.”

Chloe smiled.

* * *

She’d realized the older you got; the faster time disappeared.

Chloe was chasing a suspect down a road. A man who had decided the only way to punish his wife for cheating was to drown their two young daughters in their swimming pool. It was cases like this that still got her riled up, and she knew deep down if her partner was still here, he would too. This man needed to be caught, to be brought to justice.

She ran as fast as her feet would carry her, flinging herself over the top of a car hood as it pulled out a driveway and ignoring the curses the driver threw her way. She used a streetlamp to sharpen her turn as the sidewalk blurred under her vision. Seeing the man up ahead, she jumped, arms wrapping around his middle as she brought him to the ground. She yanked his arms behind his back, reading him his rights as she roughly handcuffed him.

She looked up as Dan approached, panting with his hands on his knees. “Jeez Chlo, how can you _still_ do that.” He came to a stop next to her. “Don’t you feel it in your knees?”

Chloe frowned. “No?” She pulled the man to his feet, one hand on his shoulder, and passed him to the awaiting cops to the side. “Should I?”

He regarded her closely. “Well, we’re not that far apart in age.”

Chloe pulled a face. “True. I keep fit.” She rolled her shoulders, feeling the pleasant muscle burn from her impromptu exercise. “Don’t you?”

“Yes, of course, but ages catches up with all of us eventually.” He chuckled bitterly, running a hand through his hair.

Chloe looked at him. Not just looked, like _really_ looked. She noticed for the first time the lines around his eyes were deeper with age, and the sides of his hair were silver as it caught in the sunlight. She frowned, stopping herself from touching it. He was wearing glasses too- when had he started needing those?

“Chloe? You okay?” Dan peered at her, concerned.

She waved him off. “Yes, yes I’m fine. Back to the Precinct?” She questioned, fishing her keys from her pocket and thinking about a nice strong coffee, and perhaps a sandwich from the vending machine at work.

“You go. I have a doctor’s appointment for my bad hip.” He rolled his eyes at her. “Perks of getting older, huh?”

She stared at him as he turned to walk away. “Yeah...”

Later that day she went to the store and picked up a box of hair dye.

* * *

A few days later she was sat on her bathtub. House empty as Trixie was away for the quarter at college. At first it was horrible, but it gradually got easier after a few years. Plus, it was her daughter’s last year, so she’d have her home again soon, right?

She was staring at the box dye on the counter, debating how to go about this. She’d never imagined dealing with something like this before. It was strange. Sighing, she slipped her phone out her pocket and typed out a quick message, hitting send before she could rethink it.

_‘Can you come over? I need to talk to you. Bring Maze.’_

The reply was almost instant. ‘ _Sure. Everything okay, Chloe?’_

 _‘I don’t know. Hoping to ask you.’_ She answered.

_‘Okay, on our way.’_

She didn’t need to wait long. When they arrived she was still perched on the edge of her bathtub, legs spread, elbows perched on her knees and palms pressing into her forehead as thought about how to approach this probably all-in-her-head situation.

She heard the flutter and felt the displacement of air around her that were signifiers of Angel wings landing. “Chloe? Where are you?”

“Two seconds!” She called, steeling herself mentally against this conversation. Perhaps she had been waiting too long to have it. She swiftly stood up, moving to unlock the bathroom door she’d locked in habit despite now having an empty home. She spotted Amenadiel and Maze stood in her living room immediately. She sent them an awkward half wave. “Hi, thanks for coming.”

Amenadiel was watching her carefully. “What’s this about, Chloe?”

“Are you hurt? Do I need to kill someone?” Maze had her knife in hand and eyes darting around her living room as if looking for signs of an intruder.

Chloe laughed, at least some things were normal. “Put that away Maze, no one has or is going to hurt me.” _Not right now anyway,_ she thought to herself. “I called you here for,” she hesitated, staring at their confused expressions, “advice.”

Maze scoffed, dropping her knife to her side but still in hand. “Advice? Why do you need _me_? I was just about take off after a bounty in New York; I’ve missed my flight now.”

Chloe sighed. “Because you’re a friend, and to be honest I could use a friend right now.” She swallowed, hard, feeling it in her throat. “Is that okay? You can leave.”

Regarding her closely, eyes scanning her body, Maze narrowed her eyes and slowly nodded. “I’ll stay, Decker.” She moved, sitting on the back of Chloe’s couch, one leg coming up and the other left dangling. “What’s up?” She gestured upwards with her chin giving Chloe permission to go ahead.

“Yes, Chloe, how can we help?” Amenadiel folded his arms, still looking unnatural standing in the center of her living room.

She paused, still feeling as though this was a bit silly and probably just her being self-conscious. Still- she cleared her throat. “Do you- do you guys notice anything different about me?”

They both frowned.

“No? Should we?” Amenadiel asked, taking a small step closer to her and staring at her in concern.

Chloe raked a hand through her hair. “No- uh, I think I’m going about it the wrong way.” She stopped, thinking for a second. “Do I look the same now as I did- _then_. You know, to you guys.” She gestured at them both widely with her hands.

Amenadiel frowned. “Then?”

Sighing in defeat, Chloe closed the distance between her friends. She’d half to bite the bullet and just get to it. “ _Then,_ as in when Lucifer returned to Hell.” She coughed awkwardly. “I think- um, I don’t think- I, have I... hah, look this is silly.” She stopped herself, laughing bitterly. “I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’m just going to go to bed.”

Still frowning, Amenadiel came a bit closer until he was towering over her. “Chloe?”

Maze was suspiciously silent, and Chloe peered past Amenadiel to look for her and see if she was still in the room. She was staring at them, face twisted in thought. Chloe opened her mouth, just about to tell them to leave her alone when Maze butted in-

“You haven’t aged.” Maze was already strolling towards her. “Have you?” She pushed past Amenadiel and was in her face, staring at her intently. “Yeah, you look the same.”

Amenadiel tilted his head. “Wait, what?”

Maze laughed, surprising Chloe with how delighted it sounded. “We didn’t realize sooner because well- we don’t age.” She gestured between her and Amenadiel then tapped Chloe on the forehead. “It comes with the territory.”

“Yes, but I’m human.” Chloe replied.

“Are you?” Maze squinted at her, brown hair brushing Chloe’s cheeks.

Chloe placed her hands on Maze’s upper arms, gently pushing her back. “ _Yes_ , Maze, pretty sure.” Maze hummed but stepped back to give Chloe breathing space.

“You don’t believe you’ve aged since Lucifer returned to Hell?” Amenadiel questioned, looking at her closely. “Are you sure?”

Chloe laughed, dragging a hand backwards through her hair and shaking her head. “I don’t know anything anymore, Amenadiel. When I think about it people have mentioned something about, well, me ‘looking good’ over the past few years-” _decade_ “- but I didn’t really think much of it.”

He was still peering at her, closer now. Not as close as Maze was but definitely regarding her as she was some specimen to be examined. “What made you call us today?”

“Dan.”

Maze laughed. “Yes, he’s getting old, isn’t he? I saw him cringe at his knees cracking the other day.” She grinned in amusement.

“He’s only two years older than me, Maze.” Chloe sucked in her lips, staring at her friend.

“Shit. Really?” Maze at least looked a little shocked. “I thought he, well-” She gestured at Chloe.

“Yeah, I know.” Chloe agreed. She looked fine, healthy and fit. The same as she did over a decade ago.

Amenadiel made a sound that could have been agreement. “I see what you mean.” He picked up her hand and turned it over in his, staring at it. She let him study her. “And you’ve had no other,” he paused, thoughts churning, “age symptoms? Like bones hurting, shortness of breath, memory issues?”

Chloe shook her head. “Entirely fine. Took our suspect down today with no issues.” A thought occurred to her and she frowned. Amenadiel looked at her questioningly. “I think I may be drawing attention to myself- inadvertently.” She cringed.

“Well, on the bright side, we know from Lucifer being your consultant, the LAPD aren’t the brightest bulbs in the shed. You should be fine for now.” Maze chuckled.

“Ella’s noticed.” Chloe pointed out, ignoring Amenadiel as he picked up her other hand and began running his fingers up her arm staring intently. “But then again, Ella’s observant.” Wouldn’t it be bemusing if Ella’s ‘awakening’ to the reality of their life was through her, not any of these actual Celestials, but _her_. She swallowed back a choked laugh. “What do you think Amenadiel?” She’d noticed he had dropped her arm now and was slowly walking around her.

He paused. “-I think you’re both right.” He stopped behind her and she turned to stare at him. “But I can’t tell if it’s stopped or just slowed.”

Chloe shrugged; she had no idea. “I feel no different than I did ten years ago. Nothing has changed. Literally, nothing.” She thought, debating about telling them because she wasn’t entirely sure herself but decided _in for a penny..._ “Also, I used to have skin issues, I haven’t had any problems in about as long, and, well, I haven’t been sick since either.” She didn’t know why the told them that, she hadn’t realized it herself until it just blurted out her mouth.

“Not even the common cold?” Amenadiel asked.

She shook her head. “No, nothing. I accidentally ate some out-of-date shellfish once, I was prepared to be sick the entire next day and took it off work in preparation, but I was fine. Spent the day doing paperwork.”

Maze tilted her head one way, then the other. “Strange.”

Chloe sighed. “Look, has anything like this happened before?” She folded her arms across herself, looking for some self-comfort, and stared at them. “Perhaps that’s somewhere to look.”

“The only person I can think of who was human and didn’t age, was well-” Amenadiel was staring at her, and now he was purposely avoiding eye contact with her. “Cain.”

“Marcus.” Chloe breathed. Of course. She remembered Lucifer telling her he was Cain, from the Bible, the first murderer... “Does that mean-?” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Does that mean I’m cursed?” Her voice sounded small even for her own ears.

Amenadiel shook his head. “I don’t think so, you haven’t done anything wrong. Plus, Cain was the only human in history to have a curse placed on him, as punishment for murdering his brother. There hasn’t been one since.” Still, he looked at her. “But, just to be sure, you haven’t had any weird marks, bruises, or anything appear on your-” he gestured at her, “person, in the past decade. Have you?”

Chloe remembered Marcus’ mark, on his right upper arm. She shook her head. “No, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Well, I’m stumped.” Maze sagged back against the couch. “Consider me clueless.”

Chloe stared at her, then at a baffled Amenadiel. “So, what do I do?”

Amenadiel shrugged, arms once again folded, his sweater bunching with the movement. “I’m not sure. I will fly back to the Silver City, ask about see if anyone knows anything. Though I can’t promise any answers, the other Angels always seem pretty clueless.”

She nodded, slowly. “In the meantime?”

“In the meantime, continue as normal.” Amenadiel tried to smile reassuringly at her. “Though try not to draw too much attention to yourself.”

“Yeah. It’d be pretty annoying if we had to break you out of a science lab.” Maze rolled her eyes, lifting her knee back on the side of the couch as she spun her knife between her fingers. “I’m not sure what would happen if they dissected you.”

Chloe’s face scrunched up at that, then she thought about her evening plans and sighed deeply. “Okay. Got it.”

Amenadiel was back to staring at her strangely. “What are you going to do?”

Chloe smiled, shrugging one shoulder. “Dye my hair gray.”

* * *

She continued dying her hair for the next few years, at first it felt strange as she picked which strands to dye. It was a long process as she was meticulous in trying to make it look as natural as possible. Thankfully after a few months dying her hair gray every week became part of her routine.

If the streaks sometimes appeared in different places, no one mentioned anything.

She knew Ella was still suspicious of her, and Chloe was tired of dodging her questions so eventually she’d just tried avoiding Ella altogether. The hurt looks her friend shot her when Chloe passed at the Precinct broke Chloe’s heart, so with permission from Amenadiel and Maze, she invited Ella over to hers for dinner.

She was stood in her bedroom, looking at herself in the mirror. She did this at least once daily, trying to look for signs of aging, an extra wrinkle, anything. As usual, there was nothing. She sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand and then down her face. This was another conversation she’d been avoiding. Still, it had to happen if she wanted to keep her friend in her life.

Amenadiel was in the kitchen, staring at the oven where Chloe was cooking a pasta bake. Maze was collapsed on the couch, one arm over the back and chatting amicably with Trixie who was home for the weekend. Her daughter had moved in with her girlfriend over the past year and popped by when she could; she had come for this because she thought it was important.

Chloe had a very difficult, but different, conversation with Trixie when she first brought her girlfriend home to meet her mother. Unlike other parents, Chloe of course wasn’t concerned about what gender Trixie preferred. In fact, with the influences of Maze and earlier in her life, Lucifer, she wasn’t surprised she was free flowing with who she liked. However, with bringing a partner home came the consequences of- well their life.

Trixie was aware of her mother’s... _condition_. She was smart, and she already mostly knew about the Angels and the Devil that had been in her life. So, when Trixie approached the topic of her Mom’s apparent- immortality, Chloe wasn’t all that shocked, but she dealt with it as well as she could. They agreed that they’d take it a day at a time, after all there wasn’t really anything else they could do. It was uncharted territory.

Chloe wasn’t confident with random new people in her life knowing about her issues, so she’d sadly told Trixie her girlfriend wasn’t allowed to find out- not unless they got married, and even then the thought disturbed Chloe. One wrong person told and everyone could know- and then where would she be? Some lab rat in a Government experiment? She shuddered at the thought, and thankfully Trixie had understood. It meant she saw her daughter a little less, but at least she was still in her life.

Linda and Charlie were at home. As a group they’d made the decision not to overload Ella with too much at once. They would gently broach the topic but leave it to Ella to make further contact once she knew the truth.

Sighing deeply, Chloe made her way back to the living room just as there was a knock at the door. She turned on her heel and headed towards the front door, only pausing to look back at her friends, her family. “Ready?” She asked, mostly looking at Amenadiel as he was the one providing the proof, but scanning the room around her all the same.

“Yes.” Amenadiel nodded, rolling his shoulders in preparation and moving out of the kitchen into the living room.

“All good here, Mom.” Trixie still had her gorgeous beam of a smile that lit up the room. “Go ahead.”

Bracing her hand on her door handle, Chloe briefly closed her eyes and released a slow breath to steel herself. She pulled open the door quickly before she hesitated any further. “Ella.” She smiled, pulling her friend in for a hug.

Ella went willingly, clasping her arms around Chloe’s middle and glancing over her shoulder. “Hey Chloe. Hey- everyone.” She pulled back, looking at Chloe in confusion. “I thought we were having dinner?”

Chloe tugged her inside. “We are. Pasta bake is in the oven and should be ready in twenty or so.” She closed the door behind Ella and stepped back, staring at her friend.

Ella looked mildly uncomfortable and Chloe couldn’t blame her. She shifted her weight from one foot to another looking at everyone in the room in turn. “Why does remind me of my Abuelita’s interventions?”

Chloe cringed, but moved out of the way and moved herself further into the living room, Ella hesitantly following. “We have something to tell you.”

“Show you.” Maze confirmed, raising her eyebrows at Chloe.

Chloe nodded, biting her lip. “Yes, show you.”

If it was possible Ella’s frown deepened in confusion, her lips pursed. “O-kay?”

Chloe approached her friend carefully, trying to think of a way to phrase her next sentence. “Look you’ve been asking me for years about my-” she wafted her hands at herself, “appearance. We’re going to explain everything to you. But, before we do, I want to give you a chance to leave.” Chloe stared at her friend, willing her to understand the hefty weight that came with knowing everything. “You can go home, pretend this conversation never happened and I won’t mention it again, I promise.”

“Chloe, girl, this is weird.” Ella looked between everyone in the room, landing on Trixie who was purposely avoiding eye contact. Seemingly sensing the seriousness of the conversation, Chloe watched as her friend physically braced herself. She straightened her shoulders, rolling them back, and raised her head. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Chloe peered at her. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Show me. I got this.” Ella nodded; her dark eyes serious as she looked between them.

Chloe sighed, placing a hand on Ella’s shoulder for reassurance before looking at Amenadiel. “You ready?”

“As I ever will be.” He responded, moving to the center of the living room so he had more room. He looked at Ella. “I understand this may be difficult to believe at first but-” before he finished his sentence he tugged his shoulders sharply backwards and there was a gust of air that breezed through the room, sending Chloe’s hair everywhere.

There was a beat of silence where all Chloe could hear was heavy breathing. Then-

“Oh my God.” Then a very high-pitched happy squeal. “I knew it!”

Chloe released the breath she didn’t know she was holding and sank back on herself.

Perhaps this wasn’t going to be as hard as she thought.

* * *

_She was wrong._

There was one thing she hadn’t considered when she was so caught up in people believing her, and not losing her friends. Now it all seemed so selfish, so petty. She had ignored one big elephant in the room, a pretty big elephant too.

 _Death_.

The first hit came in the form of Linda.

Really, she shouldn’t have been surprised. Years had passed since Ella found out and Linda was older than them all in human years as it was. Still, Chloe had been purposely ignoring Linda slowing down. She hadn’t wanted to think about it too much.

It was harder when you didn’t have the reminder in yourself. Harder to accept. Easier to ignore.

Linda had passed peacefully in her sleep.

Chloe had spoken to her only the day before. She seemed tired, but happy. Almost as though she was aware what was coming. She didn’t seem worried, then again, with their knowledge there wasn’t much to worry about anyway she supposed. Of course Linda was going to Heaven, there was no way she was going anywhere else.

Amenadiel confirmed this when he told her he flew her up to the Silver City himself. She deserved nothing less. He also told her while he was up there he’d asked about her again, no one knew anything more than before. She wasn’t surprised. Her life never made much sense anyway.

Linda’s funeral was strangely peaceful. Charlie was stood next to her, staring blankly at the coffin being lowered into the ground. He was wearing a dark navy suit with a white shirt and matching tie. He had grown into quite the man with broad shoulders, and he now stood about two heads taller than her. He was silent, barely saying anything until the funeral ended.

It was at the wake celebrating her life that Charlie told her about their new, strange, family situation.

“I spend my weekends with Mom up there, and weekdays down here so I can keep going to school.” Charlie smiled, taking a sip from the drink he had in his hand. “It’s a little weird, but she’s happy and it’s working out.”

Chloe nodded. She missed Linda like an ache in her heart, and a pain she didn’t understand that burned in her gut. Amenadiel and Charlie still got to see Linda regularly, they both could access Heaven freely. Well, Amenadiel still had to fly Charlie up there as there were still no wings. Really, she supposed, despite the change in location, life wasn’t that different for them.

Part of Chloe wondered why they didn’t all just move up there so they could be together. But then she remembered, Charlie was half human and probably wanted to live that part of his life while he still could. After all, at the moment, he still _aged_.

Chloe wondered if she’d ever see Linda again.

“She says ‘hi’ by the way.” Charlie was still smiling at her, his eyes crinkling like his father’s did when he was trying to be reassuring. “Mom, I mean, she told me to tell you not to worry and that everything will work out as it should.”

Chloe hesitated, but nodded slowly, pulling in the young man for a hug and he went willingly. “Thanks, Charlie.” She sniffed.

He squeezed her tighter. “Of course, Chloe, anytime.”

* * *

The next blow came in the form of Dan.

This was harder because it was so sudden. He’d been shot on a case, his age not letting him move quick enough out of the way of the suspects gun. He should have retired a long time before but stubborn as he was, he’d kept powering through.

Trixie and Chloe were cuddling on the couch together, a box of tissues nearly empty on the coffee table next to them. They were wrapped in a large fluffy blanket and sniffling. Very few words were said.

“Mom.” Her daughter looked at her with giant wet eyes. All of a sudden she was a little kid again, looking at her Mom for advice as though she held the answers to everything. “Do you think, Dad, do you think he’s happy?”

Chloe swallowed. She knew how much guilt her ex-husband carried around with him on a daily basis. She could see it in his eyes. She knew what that did to a person. But at the end of the day he was a good man, he may have made some mistakes, but he’d atoned for them. Still, she didn’t want to lie to her daughter, but also didn’t want to face the possibility of anything else either- “I’m sure he’s with Linda, Trix, we could ask Amenadiel if you like?”

Trixie shook her head. “No.” Her lip wobbled as her eyes filled with tears again.

Chloe nodded, swallowing her own pain and smoothly tucking her daughter’s hair behind her ears. She understood. Sometimes plausible deniability was the only way to cope, especially when it involved people you cared deeply about. “Okay, Trixie babe.”

Trixie huffed a watery laugh. Chloe hadn’t called her that in years. She smiled at her daughter, turning and pulling her closer for a tighter hug, one that was willingly returned. They squeezed each other tightly.

There was a beat of silence. A sniff. Then- “Hey, Mom, we could be sisters now.”

Chloe bit her lip and closed her eyes against the wave of pain that washed over her. Her baby was joking but for the first time something akin to devastation nearly swallowed her whole. She understood that feeling now she had at Linda’s funeral, the one churning in her gut that she didn’t understand.

Hopelessness.

She was powerless. Life was slipping away so quickly, and she wasn’t able to grasp onto it fast enough as it slid through her fingers like warm sand. She must have given some hint away as her daughter pulled back to look at her in confusion. “Mom?”

Gritting her teeth and shoving the encompassing feeling away, Chloe smiled weakly at her daughter. “Nothing.” She paused. “Pancakes?”

Trixie laughed, already stood and pulling her Mom from the couch. “Come on, I know the best place in L.A. for pancakes. They’re to die for. I promise.”

Chloe cringed at the choice of words but nodded anyway. “Let me grab my jacket.” She moved to look for her light jacket she’d thrown haphazardly somewhere when they’d come home from Dan’s funeral. “Found it.” She grabbed it from the floor and slipped her hands through it.

Trixie’s eyes were bright, half still with unshed tears. “Great! Let’s go.”

And if Chloe ignored the hint of pain on her daughter’s face as she slipped her own jacket on, her hand briefly resting on her hip, it wasn’t to be cruel or selfish- it was simply the only self-preservation that she could let herself get away with.

She wasn’t going to think about that.

Not yet.

* * *

Chloe had retired almost immediately after Dan had passed.

She couldn’t stand working there anymore. Not looking at his empty desk. Watching other officers clean his desk and pack up his stuff was hard enough, staring at it every day almost broke her.

She was dyeing her hair fully gray now.

Another handful of years had disappeared without her realizing. She was sat drinking coffee with Ella and Trixie as they did every weekend for the past few years since Dan had died. Ella was smiling, chatting amicably away, when suddenly her face paled.

“Ella?” Chloe questioned.

“Not right now.” Ella responded, seemingly talking to the air. “Give me some more time.” She nodded and the color returned to her skin.

“Who was that?” Chloe frowned at her friend, knowing her friend wasn’t insane.

“Oh, no one.” Ella smiled, finishing her coffee. “Nothing important.”

“Didn’t seem like nothing.” Trixie pointed out, staring at their friend. Her coffee had long gone cold, but her daughter was never much of a coffee drinker anyway. Chloe figured she came with them as it was company, her girlfriend left her a few years ago due to all the family secrets, and she’d been alone since.

Ella breathed out slowly, seemingly settling herself. “Did I ever tell you about Azreal?”

Chloe and Trixie shook their heads. “No.”

“Okay. Probably time I did then.” Ella sat back in her seat, her now dark grey hair still in a high ponytail, it bobbed animatedly as she spoke, getting deeper into her story as she gestured with her hands and lost herself to memories.

When she was finished Chloe nodded carefully, gesturing at the empty space next to them. “Okay, so what was that about?”

Ella coughed weakly, looking at them then suspiciously avoiding their eyes. She rubbed a hand on the back of her neck, smiling sheepishly. “Um, I, I have cancer.”

The tension between them was so thick Chloe could almost taste it. “What?” She whispered.

“Yeah, tumor, up here-” she pressed a finger to the side of her head, “for the past few years. Docs couldn’t do anything so I’ve just been living best I can.” She looked at Chloe carefully. “Why do you think I retired when you did?”

Chloe shrugged, she hadn’t really thought much about it, her mind flashing back to their Tribe night all those years when celebrating Linda’s early retirement. “How long?” The _do you have left_ went unsaid.

Ella didn’t pretend to misunderstand her question and smiled softly. “Not long.”

“Jeez, Ella.” Trixie muttered, sounding very much like her father at that moment. “Are you okay?”

Ella sat for a moment, contemplating, before her ponytail bounced as she nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay about it actually. I know what’s waiting for me up there with the Big Guy.” She smiled at them, smile beaming. “Want me to relay a message?” She laughed, brushing off the seriousness of the conversation.

“No.” Chloe bit the inside of her lip and ignored the copper taste as she drew blood. “But give Linda and Dan hugs from us okay?”

Ella studied her for a second, mulling it over, before nodding. “You got it.” She smiled at her, Chloe returned it, and even if it was a lot fainter and feeble than her normal smile, it was at least something.

Ella passed away a week later in her sleep.

Amenadiel text her. ' _She says she’s fine. She misses you. Also, Linda wants you to know you can come to me and Maze anytime.'_ There was a pause where Chloe considered replying while staring blankly at her phone, when another message came through. ' _You know you can talk to me anytime.'_

Chloe stifled a sob, hand over her mouth and nodded at her phone, knowing that despite his offer- she wouldn’t. She didn’t know how. She wasn’t built for this.

_Why was this happening to her?_

It wasn’t the first time she’d asked. Even though it wasn’t exactly a prayer, she still never received an answer.

Sometimes she felt like she may have an inkling, albeit a tiny one, how Lucifer had felt when he asked for answers from his Dad...and all he got in return was silence and empty air.

Chloe grasped her phone to her chest and hugged it, chest tight, as she heaved a sob.

It was true, time waited for no one- except, except maybe _her_.

* * *

Chloe barely remembered the next few decades, they passed so quickly she could swear that she was in hibernation for most of it- well, on autopilot. She remembers the treasured moments with her daughter as she had grasped onto each one like a starving man who was given food for the first time in months.

Mostly she avoided public places. She did leave to visit the shops as she still had to eat, and then to buy further groceries for Trixie as she grew too weak to collect them herself. Sometimes she went as herself, sometimes she dyed her hair, other times she wrapped her hair in a scarf and wore sunglasses. Chloe was back to being a mother again, and despite the situation she did enjoy looking after her baby for a few years.

The past decade they’d ended up in a role reversal when they’d gone out together- although rarely. As Trixie had gotten older, Chloe had been mistaken for her daughter more and more. At first it was funny, but those laughs had quickly turned to tears as they realized their time was running out. Faster than they could blink.

To spend as much time together as possible, and to make life easier for them, Trixie moved back in. She almost immediately redecorated her room to her now more adult tastes. Chloe hadn’t changed it since she left for College all those years ago- a distant almost fleeting memory now with so much _time_ left in front of her. It seemed never-ending. But they had fun picking complementary colors and sheets for her daughter’s bedroom.

Maze was over more now, fluttering uselessly over Trixie as she lay in bed. Chloe had to throw her out a few times as she became a hindrance. Maze protested, but Chloe always promised to call if anything happened.

Chloe had told herself in the past, when she first discovered what was happening to her, that she wouldn’t let her situation harden her.

That she wouldn’t lose who she was.

However, Trixie was the last straw and Chloe could feel herself sinking deeper and deeper into despair. Maze had tried to talk her round, prying her with drinks and trying to get her to go out – Chloe refused to leave her daughter’s bedside.

“Mom?”

Chloe’s head snapped up from her book that she wasn’t really reading at the sound of her daughter’s weak voice. “Yes Trix?” She moved to her side. “Are you okay?”

She coughed, hand lifting feebly into the air as she looked for her Mom’s hand. Chloe grasped it tightly to her chest. “Could you-” She coughed again, trying for a smile. “Could you give me a minute to speak to Maze.” She paused, her bright eyes, too bright for her tired face, shone into Chloe’s. “Alone, Mom.” Still stubborn as ever.

Chloe meekly nodded, hating to leave her alone for even a second. But she respected her daughter’s wishes and left the room, motioning towards the door as Maze looked up from the couch. “She wants to talk to you.” Maze didn’t say anything as she breezed past her, but simply clasped a hand on her shoulder as she opened the door to Trixie’s room.

They were in there a while. Chloe could hear the soft voices from behind the wall, but she respected their privacy. She sat on the couch, pretending to watch the television. It was some documentary about sharks. She looked over as Maze left the room, automatically standing.

There was a beat of silence.

“I think it’s time.” Maze looked solemn. “She told me to get you.”

Chloe’s breath caught in her throat, hitching as she bit back a sob. She didn’t hesitate as she ran to her daughter’s room, swinging open the door to look at her frail daughter propped up in bed. “Trixie, no.” She immediately went to her side, grasping both her hands. “Please baby, don’t go.”

“Mom.” Trixie smiled, reassuringly and lovingly. “Mom, it’s my time.”

Chloe raised her daughter’s hands to her face, resting her face on them. “No, no.” She shook her head, eyes filling with tears as her daughter faded in front of her. “I can’t have you leave too.”

“It’ll be okay.” Trixie whispered. “I’ll be fine. I’ll say hi to everyone for you.” Then her eyes slipped closed.

Chloe cried, silently, tears falling and dripping onto Trixie’s hands and running down her arms, leaving wet patches. “I love you, monkey, to the moon and back- _forever_.” She heard her broken voice whisper.

A ghost of a smile appeared on her baby’s face. “Love you too, Mommy.”

Her chest heaved, and she sank to her knees by her daughter’s bed. Tears mingling with her runny nose as she sobbed, watching through blurry eyes as the last signs of life left her Trixie’s body. The pain that flowed from her must have been as palpable as the frigid night air drifting in through the open window, as she felt a hand land on her shoulder in comfort.

She looked up expecting to see Maze- but instead there was a short woman, with a bob cut, smiling sympathetically at her. _Azreal_. The name sounded in her head. _The Angel of Death._

Chloe shook, shoulders shaking as her daughter’s hands went limp in hers. “P-please-” she choked, “don’t, don’t t-take her.”

Azreal shook her head, her arm coming underneath Chloe’s armpit and heaving her to a standing position. Chloe was too weak to fight against the movement, Trixie’s hands slipped from hers and dangled from the bed. Lifeless. “It’s her time.” Azreal said, holding Chloe by the shoulders and peering up into her face. “I promise she’ll get to Heaven safely.”

Chloe raised her own hands to her face, peering through her fingers at the Angel in front of her. “She’s all I have left.” She shook her head, hair sticking to her damp cheeks. “Please don’t take her.”

“I have no choice.” Azreal rubbed Chloe’s arms and stepped back. “I’m sorry.” She vanished again.

“ _No...”_ Chloe watched as the last specs of color drained from her daughter’s face. She sank back to the floor, back against the wall, and sobbed, heart wrenching sounds leaving her chest as she gasped for air.

It wasn’t long before Maze and Amenadiel walked in to find her almost passed out, sobs still heaving her body and depriving her of oxygen. She should have died before her baby, not afterwards. Amenadiel must have picked her up because when her eyesight began to clear she was alone in her bedroom, curled up in a fetal position on her bed. She felt numb, empty, and her body had no more tears left to shed- for now. She looked up, head pounding, to find a glass of water on the side.

She sat up, gulping it down and the pills next to it, staring blankly ahead of her as the cool water passed her lips and filled her dehydrated body. Trixie was gone.

Gone...

Gone.

_Gone._

* * *

She wasn’t sure how she persuaded Maze and Amenadiel to leave. She did appreciate their handling of Trixie, that they took over and called it in. Chloe couldn’t look at her daughter’s body again- how could she? She’d been in a different room when they took her away.

How she convinced them she was fine she didn’t know. Though it was obviously unbelievable as she hadn’t spoken a word since Azreal had taken her baby. Still, shooting her concerned looks, they filed out the door as she quickly closed it behind them. She sank back against the door and dropped her head into her hands, letting the grief wash over her and take her in its grasp.

When she finally came around she had no idea what time it was.

She dragged herself to her bed and collapsed onto the sheets. She was officially broken and incomplete, missing- everyone.

Linda. Dan. Ella. Her- _Trixie_.

Everyone was gone.

She was alone.

Logically she knew she had Maze, Amenadiel and Charlie still. Charlie had slowed down his ageing. Apparently with him it was a choice in his control, and he had decided to stick around for a while longer. When Chloe had found out she hadn’t talked to him for a month.

Yes, she felt guilty.

_But what had she done to deserve this?_

A few days must have passed. She didn’t move. Staring at the ceiling. She wasn’t hungry. Wasn’t thirsty. Wasn’t tired anymore. Just- drained. So emotionally done with everything.

Chloe did notice on the second day a sandwich appeared while she was asleep, next to a bottle of water. Then a few hours later a message from Maze. _Eat_. She didn’t.

The next day a different sandwich appeared.

She still didn’t eat it.

Nor did she touch the water.

She was tired. She wanted to sleep. Chloe rolled back over away from the food and closed her eyes, hoping maybe, perhaps, this time she’d stay asleep. Forever.

No such luck. She woke up as dawn hit and the first rays of sunlight filtered through her curtains and shone onto her face, disturbing her restless sleep. Her lips were cracked. Her head hurt. Everything hurt. But today, she woke up with a new vision, a new hope. Her body was weak, she could feel it, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. She did, however, crack open the water and let the cool droplets soothe her parched throat.

Chloe went through the motions numbly. Resolute in her decision. She made her bed, ate the sandwich sat on the side as she needed strength to move, and finished the water. She ran her hand through her knotted hair, scrunching up her face at the greasy feel before tying it into a messy bun on the top of her head.

She padded through to the kitchen. Her house eerily silent. She swallowed back the grief that lingered at the edge of her mind, threatening to swallow her and drown her in more days of suffering. She ran her tongue over her split lips, wincing at the pain the moisture provided the small cuts, and poured herself another glass of water and drank it in one go.

Chloe moved to the bathroom, staring at her bathtub and nodding to herself. She reached over, turning on the taps and watching as the water immediately streamed from faucets, hitting the bottom of the tub in splashes, that turned to puddles, that started rising rapidly. The water was steaming, and she swirled her hand in it for a second, the steam hazing her mind almost as though she was hypnotized by the flowing water.

Moving to the cupboard above the sink, she pulled down the box she needed and left it on the toilet seat.

She then proceeded to the kitchen and poured herself a large glass of wine. She took a sip, relishing in the taste of the full-bodied liquid filling her senses. She walked slowly back to the bathroom, placing her wine on the side and locking the door behind her. She turned off the taps, the room a warm fog of steam that cleaned her sinuses. She breathed in deeply, stripping, and stepping gingerily into the tub. Right toes, right foot, bearing the heat she placed her whole foot into the bath, her left foot quickly following.

She lowered herself slowly, relaxing as the heat hit her muscles and softened the tightness. She dropped her head back against the wall behind her and closed her eyes, smiling softly. This felt good. She reached for her glass, taking a large reassuring gulp. Then she released her hair from its bun, it gracelessly fell around her shoulders. She tipped her head back as her body moved, dipping her head backwards into the water behind her. She wafted out her hair in the water, feeling the strands slip between and through her fingers.

She relished all of it.

Each tiny detail.

The heat between her fingers as they moved through her hair.

The warm water curling her toes as she squeezed them.

The calmness in the undisturbed air. The internal peace settling over her.

She closed her eyes, pulling herself back up and reaching for her glass again. She finished it quickly needing the courage. She leaned over the tub, its sides digging up into her ribs as she moved and placed the glass on the floor; pushing it slowly backwards next to the toilet so no one stood on it and cut themselves.

Then she reached for the box on the toilet seat. Taking it in her wet hands and staring at the lid, watching the water from her hands soak the cardboard as it began to collapse in on itself. She sighed, biting the inside of her lip, the first wave of trepidation clenching her stomach. 

She shook it off, opening the box and carefully pulling a small object from the box, turning the non-descript smooth object over in her hands and staring at it. She placed the box back down on the toilet and settled back into her bath. Letting the warm water reassure her of her decision.

The object nicked her finger and she hissed in sudden pain, automatically sucking her thumb where the blood pooled at the tip. Pulling her thumb out her mouth, she stared at the blood and watched a bead of red slide down her finger transfixed. It was a pretty color, wasn’t it?

Her breath left her lungs in a deep push, then she breathed in deeply, feeling her lungs relish the oxygen. What was she waiting for? She closed her eyes in hesitation, but clenched her teeth and pressed the object against her wrist. She knew how to do this. She was - had been - a homicide detective; this wasn’t something unfamiliar to her.

The- _the razor,_ felt sharp and cold against her wrist, though the metal was quickly heating up due to the steam in the room. She placed it against her left wrist knowing she’d need to be quick to do both, so she didn’t just lose consciousness for Maze or Amenadiel to find her and call 911. That would defeat the whole purpose.

Gritting her teeth in defiance she began to press down, slowly, feeling the press of the now warm razor against her skin. She closed her eyes and willed herself to move faster, to get it _over_ with. She laughed bitterly at herself, she couldn’t even do _this_ right. She removed the razor from her wrist, staring at the indentation it had left there, before hitting her head backwards against the cold tile behind her, feeling it vibrate though her head.

She could do this.

This time, set with steely determination and the image of her friends in her mind, the image of her Trixie behind her eyes. She moved with faster resolution, right hand quickly coming down on her left wrist-

-only for something solid to snatch her wrist, curling around it and stopping it in its movement. Her eyes flew open in shock as she jolted upwards and gasped, eyes glued on the long fingers wrapped around her small wrist, fingers that had appeared from nowhere. The fingers unmistakable even after decades, and the proud onyx ring was still stubbornly sat there, like it belonged, shining in the low light of the bathroom.

She stared at it for a second. Breathing harshly into her lungs, oxygen not coming fast enough.

 _Silence_.

Then she dared to move, eyes moving from that hand, to the wrist, arm, trailing along it until she reached a shoulder- then a blurred face that made her eyes hurt to try bring into focus through the vapor of the room. He was staring, mouth pressed in a tight line and eyes steely as he focused on their wrists. His eyes moved to her, hard, and his voice was strained when he spoke. “ _Don’t.”_

“What?” She whispered, fingers flexing in his grip. It felt so real. Was she going crazy? Lack of food, sleep, and water? Had it driven her insane that now she was seeing things. Hallucinating. She laughed, at herself, at the figure in front of her. “Go away.” She spoke to the figure in her imagination. “You’re not real, and you’re not stopping me.”

She tried to pull her wrist back to find it wouldn’t move. Her friends had always said she had a strong willpower, but this seemed a bit- a bit much. She shook her head and tried again, and still the grip remained.

“I’m not letting you go.” _His_ voice. So smooth, So real. So- the same. “Det- _Chloe_. Please.” She didn’t even know how her mind was doing this, how did it remember _so much_?

She peered at the figure in the steam. “ _Let me go.”_ She narrowed her eyes, trying to pull her hand back. His grip wasn’t releasing. “I’ve gone insane.” She laughed harshly at herself. “I’m doing this.” She told her mind.

“Chloe-” He cut off at her struggling and raised his eyebrows. “ _Chloe,_ listen to me. I’m real.” He moved a bit closer to her, she could almost see him clearly through the fog of the room and her mind. “I promise. You’re not crazy.”

“Uh huh.” She snorted. “Sure.”

“You believe me?” His grip released a fraction and she moved immediately to take her wrist back, razor still clenched in her other hand. The grip tightened at once, just this side of causing pain. “Stop it.” He hissed at her.

“No.” She glared at him. “I don’t know what games my mind is playing, or what it’s doing this-” she waved in his direction, “but I’ve made my decision.” So her mind could just give up now inventing people, no, not people- _him_.

“You haven’t gone insane. I’m not in your head. I promise you.” He was staring at her intently. Years and years of memories from so long ago were rushing back, filling her head with clatters of long forgotten fragments.

_I give you my word._

_I would never lie to you._

She shook away the thoughts, still tugging at her wrist in his grasp to no avail. She wasn’t sure what to do now. Should she play along with her mind, follow it down this insane path it was apparently leading her? Once he’d left her head surely she could try again anyway. Perhaps with something quicker so that whatever her mind was doing... well, so that it didn’t interfere again.

She breathed out slowly through partially open lips and resided herself, _for now_. “Okay.”

He looked at her, dark eyes searching. “Do you promise if I let go you’re not going to try kill yourself?” She cringed at his blunt words, but he hadn’t let go of her wrist. In fact, she noticed he had his other hand palm up at the edge of the tub. “Promise me.” He gestured with his hand, fingers curling inwards in a quick _give it to me_ gesture. Chloe slumped backwards in the tub, holding out her hand and dropping the razor into his hand.

She was expecting it to clatter to the floor.

It didn’t.

“Good.” He sat back, and for the first time she noticed he was sat on her toilet seat, the box that was there previously nowhere to be seen. How did that happen? Still, he was staring at her curiously... and it was then she realized that she was naked in the tub. Despite him being a figure of her imagination, this was _strange_. He cleared his throat and adjusted his gaze away from her. “You get dressed, and I will find something to entertain myself while I wait.”

She nodded automatically. Closing her eyes to pinch the bridge of her nose. She needed cooler air to clear her head and to decide her next steps anyway. When she opened her eyes the room was empty, and she breathed a sigh of relief at being alone in her mind again. However, a glance over at the toilet showed her the box was still missing. She frowned, but shook it off, surely-? No, he was definitely in her imagination.

She clambered out the bath, cursing as she caught her foot on the way out. She reached for her towel, wrapping it quickly around herself after she hurriedly dried off. Feeling stupid, she cracked open the bathroom door and peered out. The hall was empty. Her house seemed quiet. She laughed miserably at herself while padding to her bedroom, of course it wasn’t real.

The tiny glimmer of hope, that she’d deny if you ever asked her, was quickly snuffed out.

Reaching her bedroom, she dropped her towel and grabbed her fluffy robe and snuggled into it. Her hair was wet, sticking and dripping down her back. She shivered and pulled it from under the collar, picking up her towel and squeezing out the excess water. She threw the towel on her bed, watching as it landed on the edge and slid to the floor- she shrugged, she didn’t care anyway anymore.

She walked over to her bedside draws, pulling open the top one looking for- she frowned, they weren’t here, where were they? She spun around in the room, thinking, before clasping a hand over her eyes in exasperation and squeezing. She really was going crazy wasn’t sh-

“Looking for these?” She dropped her hand at the sound of a bottle rattling. The man who belonged to that voice was leaning in her doorway with her sleeping pill bottle in hand. He shook it again in her direction, a grim smile on his face. “Did you really think I wouldn’t check?”

Chloe frowned, staring at him. “But-?” How could he be standing there holding the actual bottle? If he was a hallucination? Unless she really had gone truly insane? “How?”

He pushed himself off her doorjamb. “I leave for two minutes and what do you do?” He walked closed to her, and Chloe took a few steps backwards. He stopped abruptly, regarding her carefully. “I’m not going to be able to let you out of my sight, am I?” He sounded resigned.

“What?” Chloe muttered, staring at him dumbfounded. “I- you- you’re holding the bottle.” Pretty obvious fact there, she thought, but how? If he wasn’t real, and she didn’t think she was that crazy... unless, unless- she took a few quick steps closer, reaching out a hand slowly towards him. She stopped before touching him, taking her hand back and raising it to her mouth, tips of her fingers touching her lips as she stared. “How?”

He was watching her, silent, dark eyes studying her as he stood perfectly still. He looked so _real_ , so solid, so tangible... like a real corporeal being, in her bedroom. Surely, he couldn’t actually _be_ real? She reached out a hand again, slower this time, stopping midway between them and looking up at him questioningly, very aware her eyes must be huge in her head right now.

Taking her hand in his grasp, gently, he stepped forwards so her hand lay loosely palm flat on his chest, as he moved into her space. “I’m real, Chloe, really here, in the flesh.”

“I-” Chloe shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. Her fist tightened in his shirt, plum colored and so _so_ familiar, even after so _long_. She grasped desperately onto the material feeling it bunch under her fingers. Her other hand joined it, and she craned her head. “Lucifer?” She whispered, hoping her voice wouldn’t make him disappear, fade like mist in her grasp. She didn’t know how she’d survive that.

“Hi.” Now his smile was crooked, but his voice was still soft as he let out a dark gentle chuckle, she felt it vibrate his chest under her fingers. “Funny that, most people don’t appreciate the Devil turning up in their bedroom in the middle of the night.” He looked down at her, trying for an amused look but falling short as his eyes were still pained, staring at her as if willing her to believe him. “It is me, Chloe.”

_This is real, isn’t it? She nodded. Their foreheads touching._

It was him.

It was really really him.

Actually him. Here. Right now.

As if a dam broke in her, she launched the rest of herself at him and wrapped herself around his being. He barely had any warning, but he caught her and returned the hug, if a bit slowly. How long had it been for him since he’d felt the welcoming touch of another human being? She tightened her grasp, not wanting to let him go. It took her a second to realize the garbled sounds she could hear were spilling from her own lips. “ _I’msorry,i’msorry,i’msorry,i’msorry_.”

He pulled her back by her upper arms. “Chloe?” He asked, as if she was really in front of him.

“I’m here.” Her heart clenched as she nodded, a breeze of a real smile across her face as she confirmed. “I’m here.”

The relief that washed over his face was palpable and he pulled her back in for another hug, tightly, his hand finding its way into her wet hair as he gripped her securely in his arms. “No, it is me that should apologize.”

“Ap’lo’ize f’what?” Her sentence was muffled by his shirt, but he smelled so much like him that she didn’t want to move. In fact, she wanted to meld into him and never leave.

He chuckled at her voice and placed what felt like a kiss on top of her head. “I’m sorry for taking so long.”

She pulled back, staring at the anguished look in his eyes and was 99% sure he saw it reflected back in her own. They were a mess. Still, she shook her head. “No, you were right on time.” She mumbled, wrapping her arms back around him again. _Right on time._

He had one of his hands still tangled in her hair, and the other on the small of her back, as he clutched at her. She returned in kind; her hands slipping beneath his jacket to hold him to her.

She wasn’t sure how long they stood like this.

She was sure it was a long time.

It was him. _Him_. He’d come back.

Scratch that, she sniffed into his chest, his hands impossibly managing to hold her closer.

No, _he’d come back for her._

* * *

After they broke apart, they stood staring at each other for a while. Then as if suddenly realizing they were still in her bedroom, Lucifer turned and left the room while gesturing for her to follow. She did, scrambling after him quickly as they walked to her living room.

Now they were sat on her couch, staring at each other.

Neither knew what to say.

“How long?”/ “I’m sorry about Beatrice.”

They both spoke at the same time and Chloe cringed. She gestured with her hand for him to go first. He smiled in acknowledgement. “I heard about Beatrice. I’m sorry.” He looked genuinely sad. “I know how much you loved her.”

_Understatement of the year._

Still, Chloe knew it was hard for Angels, Devil or not, to understand true loss considering they’d always known about Heaven and Hell.

“Still if it’s any consolation, she’s up there with Linda and Ella probably frolicking on clouds eating too much chocolate cake.”

Chloe stifled a laugh despite herself. Her baby had never grown out of the chocolate cake habit and it was sweet Lucifer remembered that, despite, well- she smiled, not really knowing what to say. “Thanks, um-” she gestured at him. “How long as it been since-” _since you left me for Hell._ She felt bad, she knew he had to go and why, but sometimes the bitterness ate away at her.

He understood anyway, eyes darkening as he got lost in his mind. He seemed to snap himself out of it and refocused on her. “Too long.” He replied, before grinning, a little too widely for it to be real. “But I’m all good!”

And that was that on that matter. Chloe sensed the finalization in his word.

She’d bring it up at a later date. Especially since there was no Linda anymore to talk too.

“Everyone’s gone.” She whispered, staring at him as if still trying to figure out if he was real. “I’m still here.”

He nodded solemnly. “I know.” He cleared his throat a little. “Do you, you know, want to talk about it?”

It was awkward for him, she knew, talking about human feelings. It was probably even harder now. Still, the fact he reached out and was trying meant more than he’d ever know. She wasn’t going to force him to talk about something he didn’t fully understand. Perhaps when, when things were a little easier, she’d try- but, she frowned, that brought another question to her mind. “Are you,” she paused, scared to know the answer but needing it anyway, “are you staying?”

Like really staying. _For good._ Her traitorous mind added. Though she wasn’t sure how she’d cope if he left her again... not now.

He seemed to have expected this question because he was already nodding before she’d finished asking. “It’s a bit more complicated than that, but yes. I’ll need to pop back every few days to check in on the miscreants, but-” His eyes were searching her face as if looking for a reaction. “I’m here.”

Her breath released in a rush and she sagged, shoulders drooping in relief. “How?”

“I have spent the past,” he paused as if debating telling her, “few thousand years wrangling out which demons were the traitors and which ones were still loyal. I have created,” he frowned as if searching for the word, “a sort of ‘board of representatives’? Yes, I think that’s the best way to describe it.” He grinned at her.

“So?” She questioned, probing, she wanted to make sure it was all okay, that there was nothing going to happen. That he would stay, with her, for however long she needed.

 _Forever_. That same traitorous voice whispered.

“So, Hell needs an Angel to rule, as you know.” He gestured at her. “I’m still their King. But they run the day to day matters. If there is a big decision needed, which is rare as Hell mostly runs itself these days, then they can let me know when I visit.” He nodded at himself. To be honest Chloe thought it was a pretty good resolution to the issue- she was weirdly proud of him so being so, so, diplomatic.

“Okay.” She replied, choosing to squash any other questions about that matter for the time being. “Do Amenadiel and Maze know you’re here?”

He paused, literally she could see his whole body still as he looked at her. “Ah.” He stood up, rolling his shoulders and smiling at her. “Yes and no.”

“What?” Chloe frowned.

He had backed up a few paces, hands out in surrender a little. She was confused and he seemed to sense it. “So I need to tell you something but you have to promise to hear me out before you try shoot me, okay?” She was silent, staring at him. “Okay, Chloe?”

She sighed deeply, placing her hands in her lap and nodding. “Okay, go ahead.” She waved at him to continue, suppressing the curl of dread she could feel at the base of her spine.

“I knew about your-” he waved his hands in her direction wildly, “condition.”

Chloe sat, mouth open as she sat gaping at him, those little curls of dread turning into anger faster than she realized. Lucifer seemed to realise her change in mood because he put his hands back up again, trying to placate her. “Listen to me first, then you can go guns-ho.” She snapped her mouth closed and nodded sharply. “When you figured it out and told Amenadiel and Maze, my brother flew down to ask me if I knew anything of it when the big boys up in the Silver City had no idea.” He swallowed; she literally watched his Adam’s apple bob as he went to continue. “At first, I had no idea why or how it could be happening but then Amenadiel had this crazy theory that I dismissed.” He paused, staring at her guardedly. “My dear brother is always coming up with insane ideas that sometimes, perhaps, come true. Like that time when he realized us Angels self-actualize what happens to us, including our own appearances, like my Devil face and his wings-”

He was rambling and Chloe interrupted. “Lucifer.” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Spit it out.”

“He said he thought our life forces were connected.” Lucifer answered.

Chloe pulled her head back abruptly. “What do you mean?” She folded her arms protectively over herself.

“When I left, back then, you admitted you loved me, yes?” Lucifer looked at her as if for confirmation. She nodded giving it to him despite his immaculate memory. “That admission, and my fulfilment of the prophecy with you being my first love- well, Amenadiel thought that we may have created a sort of- unspoken contract.” He waved at her then himself. “Between us.”

Chloe pursed her lips, thoughts churning. “Like a deal?”

He shook his head. “No no, well, not my kind of deal anyway.” He stepped a bit closer now he realized she wasn’t going to launch herself at him with her fists. “That confession, our recognition- may have, may have bonded us.”

She slowly nodded, squinting her eyes at him. “And, what makes you believe this now?”

He moved a bit closer to her, holding out his hand at her. She stared at it, what was she supposed to be looking for? He waved his hand at her, so she grabbed it to keep it still and turned it over in her own. Searching his perfect skin. Then, she spotted it, the little faint mark almost healed on his thumb. She looked at her own thumb. Same place. She frowned, looking up at him. “What?”

He took his hand back. “I didn’t come sooner because I didn’t believe it, and, well I couldn’t, Chloe, I _couldn’t_.” He was barely getting back control, and he had to have sense of order in the chaos before he could even risk leaving for a day. Especially with the time differences between Hell and Earth.

“So if I die, you die?” She mumbled, guilt beginning to eat at her for her carelessness.

“Maybe, yes, no. I don’t know.” He sat himself next to her on the couch again. “But that’s not why I came back Chloe, it wasn’t for self-preservation.” He took her hands in his and threaded their fingers together. “I thought about you nearly every single day down there-” he looked up at her, a small smirk on his lips, “believe me that’s a _lot_ of days.” 

She was silent.

He continued.

“After Azreal-” He hesitated, but she gritted her teeth and nodded at him to continue. "After my sister took Beatrice to Heaven she came to see me.” His smile was slightly bemused. “Apparently Amenadiel had the same idea as they met up on their way to Hell.” He laughed bitterly. “Never before had I been visited by two siblings at once in Hell.”

She couldn’t imagine Lucifer’s face as Amenadiel and Azreal appeared together in Hell looking for him. It was probably a picture, demons scattering everywhere to get away from them.

His eyes were lost in thought. “It was probably a good thing I think now, looking back on it I probably wouldn’t have believed them if only one visited.” He tilted his head, re-focusing on her. “Amenadiel said you weren’t eating, that he was worried. Rae-Rae told me that she revealed herself to you- Chloe you have to understand, she never does that to anyone, _anyone_. She said your grief was so powerful that she could literally feel it eating you alive, and she felt she had to do something, anything, to help.” He shifted in his seat.

“When they left, I sat there for a while, trying to decide what to do. I had planned to come back up here at some point soon, but this was so sudden. It wasn’t until I felt that sharp pain in my thumb, that tiny little drop of blood, that I knew I had to come now or else there wouldn’t be a _you_ to come back too.”

 _Or a him._ Perhaps. But it went unspoken.

“I knew.” He let out a shocked chortled laugh at himself. “I somehow just knew what you were planning.” He tightened his grasp on her fingers. “I can only be so grateful I made it here on time.”

Chloe blew out a shaky breath, her whole body feeling unsteady. “This is- this is a lot.” She murmured, worrying at her lip with her teeth. “I guess all I can do is thank you.”

He smiled softly at her. “Don’t thank me Chloe. I wanted to be here for you before. I did. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Linda passed, when Dan died- when Ella...” He trailed off and she nodded understanding him. He was sorry he wasn’t there to support her, to hug her, to soothe her pain away. “If you’re wondering by the way, Dan didn’t head my way, thank my father- he’s probably partying it out with Charlotte in Heaven right now.”

His words released a vice on her heart, one she didn’t even know she had- and suddenly it was a little easier to breathe. He sensed her relief and pulled her sidewards into him. She went willingly, collapsing into him and letting herself disappear into his embrace. She was so so tired, and she hadn’t slept properly in so long- and, he was so warm and still smelled vaguely like ash, but she didn’t care. He was real. Next to her. Solid.

He was running his hand over her hair and gently shushing her, and it was only then she realized she was crying. “Chloe, relax, you can sleep.” He threaded his hand into her hair, letting it slide between his fingers. She relished the feeling. “I’ll still be here in the morning.”

He said something else but she wasn’t sure what it was because she was already falling asleep. Her first deep dreamless sleep in years. Her mind sinking into nothingness as she relaxed further into him, protected and safe. She hummed at whatever he said and that was the last thing she remembered until the next day.

As it turns out, though she shouldn’t be surprised, she should be more careful at what she was agreeing too when she was half asleep.

She had a lot to learn about making deals with the Devil.

Apparently.

* * *

“ _I am not moving in with you.”_ Chloe crossed her arms, glaring at the Devil in front of her who had a tea towel thrown over his shoulder and was looking very domesticated as he ripped sheets of newspaper apart. Apparently in her despair she’d forgotten to clean up, so there were plenty of newspapers for him to tear up. There was paper everywhere. She raised her eyebrows at him. “And what on Earth are you doing?”

He at least had the decency to look a little sheepish as he glanced up at her from the mess he was creating. “Well, I thought you must have some- mementos, around here-” he gestured at the room around him, “that you’d want to keep.”

She did, of course, her entire life was here. But- “I’m not going anywhere.” She thought back all his, relics, he had in his Penthouse that must have been- _new_ , at some point, and valuable to him (and the world now) when he’d first kept them. Was that what was going to happen to her? She flashed back to the… rock collection… Pierce had in his home when she’d first visited and quickly shoved the thought away. No, she wasn’t following that train of thought.

He sulked but dropped the papers in his hands. “But, Chloe, you agreed!”

She approached him carefully, noticing the ever-present insecurity that shone behind his eyes as he looked at her. How had she not noticed that before? Perhaps it had gotten worse since he’d returned.

She took his hands in hers and smiled reassuringly at him. “We’re both still,” she paused, thinking, “adjusting.” He cocked an eyebrow at that, but she powered on. “You back on Earth, me, well-” She swallowed thickly, and the vaguely amused expression Lucifer had on his face immediately dropped and he was looking at her in concern. “Well, having you back and losing Trixie has been… difficult.” Another understatement but she wasn’t going to think about it. “How about we reconsider later?”

He regarded her for a second, eyes exploring her face, looking for whatever knows what. He slowly nodded, turning and squeezing her hands in his as he smiled cautiously. “Okay, Det-Chloe. But I’m not leaving you alone- so how about I stay here for a while?” The fact he nearly called her _Detective_ was endearing, his slip ups were less now, but they called to her heart when they happened. Reminiscence of an easier time.

She frowned, a little line appearing between her brows at the movement and he smoothed it away with his thumb. The thought of being alone, was, well, too much, so she bobbed her head and sighed. “Deal.”

To say his smile lit up the room would have been an understatement. He pulled his hands from her and clapped them together. “Fantastic! Right, I better clear this up and we can order dinner?”

She could still see the insecurity there, the longing, the lost little boy behind his eyes. She felt the matching emotions reflect in her but following his lead, she smiled and agreed. “Yes, I’m feeling like pizza. What you thinking?”

“Pizza sounds grand.” He nodded, scooping up the papers in his arms. “Don’t forget the anchovies!” He called after her as she moved to get the phone, completely missing Chloe’s disgusted face at the thought.

 _Anchovies_.

Gross.

It hadn’t even been a week before Lucifer found her crying on the floor in her shower. She didn’t know how long she’d been in there for, but it was certainly long enough for a worried Lucifer to come looking. It had hit her like a tidal wave, from nowhere; the grief, the ache, the longing…

She was curled up under the hot stream of water, her hair sticking to her face as he lifted her chin to look at him. She resisted at first, the sobs from her throat hurting her chest as she breathed; water stinging her nose and causing her to cough. He tried to pull her out and she’d pushed him away, curling further into herself.

Instead of leaving her, he had climbed in the shower with her. Reaching over to turn off the shower and wrapping himself around her, seemingly non caring about the state of his now ruined suit as he held her. She collapsed into his chest, grasping with wet hands onto his jacket and using it to ground her, bony knees slipping against the bottom of the tub and knocking against his as she held on.

He didn’t say anything as he cradled her, hands in her hair and stroking it away from her face as he let her body heave, her tears mixing with the water draining down the drain and leaving her feeling empty.

When her shaking had finally stopped as her body was exhausted with the energy it had expelled, he swiftly scooped her up and grabbed a towel, swaddling her in it as he carried her to her bedroom. She wasn’t really paying attention to him as he gently dried her off, barely caring despite knowing her naked body was on full display. He was considerate, soft and tender as he ran her towel over her arms, her legs, skipping anywhere private, before pulling back the comforter and maneuvering her underneath.

As his warmth left her, she felt an overwhelming sense of loss and automatically reached out, managing to grab his hand as it left her. She curled her hands around his and pulled him gently back to the bed. Her eyes were closed, so she missed the concerned yearning that flashed across Lucifer’s face. “Stay.” She mumbled into her pillow, barely managing to turn her head as her body pulled her into sleep. “Please.”

She heard him sigh, a low half regretful thing, but she didn’t have the energy to analyze it. She just wanted him with her. She managed to push her fatigued body to the side to make room and tugged weakly on his hand. He squeezed and let go of her hand, but before she could feel the utter despair of loneliness the bed dipped around her, and then there was sound of Lucifer shedding his jacket before he laid back and pulled the cover around them.

She sighed, a comforting warmth filling her being as she nudged closer to him. She felt him still under her movements, and for a second she felt guilty about forcing him into bed with her. The stillness of his figure rose her enough to whisper, it was a small barely there mumble, but he definitely heard her. “When can we move into yours?”

She knew it was the right thing to say because his whole body relaxed as he breathed out. She smiled sleepily as he slid a hand under her waist and pulled her towards his warmth. She buried her head into his chest, deeply breathing in his scent and grabbing at the material of his shirt. She must have made a sound because this time his sigh was deeper, longer, sorrowful, but she was too far gone to ask him why.

He watched over her as she drifted, squeezing his eyes closed as he impossibly pulled her closer. “Oh, Chloe.” He whispered, wishing he could take away all the pain she was feeling- all the pain _he’d_ caused. He wished he knew a way to fix this, but he knew her grief was almost as tangible as his, and he had no idea what to do to fix it.

…and so together they laid in the quiet peacefulness of her bedroom, with Lucifer holding her protectively as he followed her to sleep; fingers clenching her even closer, shielding her against anything that may think to hurt her.

Together they lay wrapped up in each other, creating a bubble for themselves, a stillness that was only them- even as the night continued bumbling on as normal around them.

* * *

Moving into Lucifer’s Penthouse was easier than either of them expected. Turns out, there wasn’t much that she’d wanted to keep. Most of it reminded her of decades of pain, grief and loss. Years and years of memories she’d rather forget.

She took a few bowls that were her mother’s that she wanted to keep close to her.

A little handcrafted wooden figurine of a mother and daughter that Dan had given her for her birthday one year.

Miss Alien, that her Trixie had kept with her all the way to the end, came with her.

While packing she’d discovered a tiny box buried in the back of her dresser. When opening it she found the tiny little bullet necklace Lucifer had made for her all those years ago. It still looked pristine and perfect. Without really thinking about it, she was trying to live in the moment otherwise she found herself drowning, she was putting it on. It nestled on her breastbone like it belonged.

When Lucifer saw it, his lips stretched into a small smile and his eyes softened, but he didn’t say anything.

She was fine that he didn’t.

Too many memories.

Still, life at Lucifer’s was easier. She could breath easier. There were long forgotten memories here too; memories of watching Lucifer’s long fingers dance deftly along piano keys, memories of them playing _heart and soul,_ careful smiles and longing stares; memories of fights and forgiving’s, memories of near poisonings and near kisses… of angel wings and desperation- the beginning of where they were now.

Somehow, the histories the walls of his Penthouse had collected, the trapped remembrances between the couch cushions and echoing’s of their past mistakes whispering through the breeze of the open balcony doors- somehow these, these comforted her.

They gave her something to hold onto.

They were _them_.

He was here.

She was still here.

They fell into a sort of easy pattern without speaking. He still entertained at his club, enough time passing that the previous occupants had long forgotten what once was and were focused on what _is_. Sometimes she joined him, he showed her off when she did, sometimes she’d stayed upstairs and waited for him to come home to her.

He always did.

It was unspoken. It was just them- them and their bubble.

If he sometimes found her crying in the bathroom, he simply held her through it and curled up with her in bed as she slept.

If she wandered into him in the dead of night sitting on his balcony in the dark, staring at the sky, with a dark longing and long forgotten pain shining in his eyes. She sat with him in silence, mirroring his look into the abyss beyond them.

It was quiet. Peaceful. Them.

Of course they couldn’t live like this forever, at some point something or someone would stumble in and disturb the shaky peace they’d found. That disturbance came in the form of one angelic brother and a demonic bounty hunter. Who dropped by to let them know the real world, outside their bubble, was in-fact, still spinning.

Also, it turned out, the dead still had eyes.

“Linda says you two need to get a grip. Move on already.” Maze was slouching on Lucifer’s couch, completely ignoring the irritated huff he let out as her feet scuffed the Italian leather.

Amenadiel sighed, shaking his head. “ _Maze_.” He was stood by the balcony doors, arms folded and watching his brother and Chloe move around each other. “Linda says you two may need to talk.”

Lucifer stopped moving, his drink halfway to his mouth, he lowered it and cocked an eyebrow. “Talk?”

“We talk.” Chloe plopped herself on the couch opposite Maze. “No need to worry.”

Maze laughed, a loud brash thing as she moved, legs apart and hands dangled between them. “Please, we’ve seen you two… and they say _misery loves company_.”

Chloe frowned. “We’re fine.”

Lucifer nodded, finishing his drink in one and placing it on his piano. “As Chloe says, all good here. You two can leave now.” He waved them off.

Amenadiel didn’t look very convinced. He looked between them and sighed, dropping his arms by his sides as he relented. They were wearing matching expressions of stubbornness, and he knew while he and Maze were there they’d never come to their senses themselves.

As Linda said, a little push, here and there… they’d get there. They had time.

“Very well.” He smiled. “Mind if we stay for a bit?” He gestured with his head at the elevator. He could hear the music down below and knew the nightlife at his brother’s club was in full flow.

“By all means.” Lucifer replied, moving to push the button to call the elevator. “Knock yourselves out.” He shot a pointed look at Maze who sighed, annoyed, but gracefully stood up.

“You two.” Maze pointed at them. Chloe blinked at being involved in their dispute. “Are just as bad as each other.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Lucifer beamed at her, but his eyes were serious and glinting with warning as his back was turned to Chloe.

Maze watched him, laughing it off and shaking her head. “Whatever, you guys have eternity to figure it out.” She joined Amenadiel in the elevator as it arrived. “Catch you later?”

Lucifer waved her off. “Sure, I’ll be down in a bit.” But his attention had already moved from her to a quietly contemplative Chloe sitting on his couch. He didn’t watch the elevator doors close, and completely missed the way Maze and Amenadiel looked at each other knowingly as he walked over to his partner.

“You okay?” He crouched down to her level, eyes boring into hers.

Whatever she was thinking about cleared immediately as she looked at him, smiling softly and her hand coming up to frame his face. “I’m fine.”

_She wasn’t._

Neither was he.

No one else would understand.

He breathed out between his teeth and shuffled a bit closer to her. “You can talk to me, you know- if you want.” He placed a hand on her knee.

She quirked a smile, lips turning at the corners as she looked at her partner, the Devil, literally on his knees in front of her. “I know.” She pulled him up, so his head hovered in front of her. “I do.” She affirmed, stroking his face with her thumbs.

He smiled, resting his head in her hands and trusting her completely.

“You can talk to me as well.” She moved to rest her forehead against his. “I can take it.”

He signed softly, laying his hands over hers and closing his eyes. “I know.” He mirrored.

There was silence. A beat. A second could have been a minute. Time was frozen around them.

But it had to break- just like it always did.

“Right.” Lucifer pulled back first, this time, and smoothly pulled himself to his feet. “I better be getting downstairs. Are you coming tonight?”

She cleared her throat, standing too. Tonight, he wouldn’t be with her, he’d leave her to sleep in his giant bed- where she went when he was wasn’t here as it was the only comfort she could find, as it was one of the timed days he went back _down there_ before returning home to her.

These nights were always the hardest. She woke often in the middle of the night, alone and sweaty, sheets wrapped around her legs as she breathed through her nightmares. It didn’t help knowing where he was… alone and doing what he thought he did best. When he came back that little broken part of him was always louder, for just a few hours, before he buried it again- it was those hours he sat alone by his piano until she willed herself to join him in silence as they breathed through it together.

She nodded. “Yeah.” She always came with him the night before he left, watched him in his element singing and entertaining the crowds. In the end he always smiled at her, sadly, before vanishing for the night, not to return to the early hours of the morning, smelling of smoke and hellfire mixed with pain and sorrow. “Give me a minute to get changed.”

He nodded in return, stepping back to give her room to move past him.

The night moved as usual. Chloe watched her partner move around his patrons. He smiled appropriately, grinned and laughed at the right moments, clapped the right people on the back and pecked cheeks when asked. He was almost the perfect gent. He would be- if she couldn’t see that sorrow in his eyes, that pain, that lingered just beneath the surface as he dreaded the approaching time he had to leave.

She didn’t know how long he was gone for. How long he was in Hell for. She thought about asking him, but knew he’d tell her when he was ready. Far too long, she thought, always too long. It hurt her knowing he hurt. Sometimes she wished she could go with him, keep him company, just for a little while- but that thought was not one that blossomed often as she knew the grief that would cause him.

Tonight however, she couldn’t bare the anguish behind his eyes as he looked at her periodically throughout the evening and late into the night. Tonight, after what Linda had relayed to them through their friends, tonight she couldn’t just _let him leave_ … not like that…

…He always seemed to sense what she was thinking because as the night came to a close, as drunken clientele stumbled out his club into the brightening dawn as the early hours of the morning plundered on, he climbed the stairs towards where she stood, staring at him from the railings. Feeling each breath leave and enter her in tight apprehension.

She turned to him as he reached her, soft footfalls on the last step. She reached for him, and he returned the gesture, taking her hands and holding them against his heart. He looked at her, eyes soft, still pained. “Chloe.”

“Lucifer.” She breathed, eyes closing briefly. When they reopened, he was closer, eyes staring into her soul and she bared it to him willingly. Letting him see everything. Everything that was her. They met in the middle, lips gently brushing over each other hesitantly. Carefully. As though too hard and the other would shatter into a million pieces.

In sync her hands moved to lock around his neck as his framed her face. They broke apart, lips still barely touching as they breathed in each other’s air. No words were spoken as they relinquished themselves to each other, breaking the distance and their barriers, into each other as their kiss deepened a second time.

Soft, pleading, and desperate their lips moved over each other, Chloe letting him into her mouth as they bared themselves to each other. Their souls open, fraught with so much pain, trying to find a way to heal in the other- knowing it was the only way.

It wasn’t so much a kiss, as a promise.

A renewed sense of hope for them.

When Chloe opened her eyes, a minute after his lips pulled from hers.

He was gone.

* * *

When he reappeared it was over a day later, well into the night as Chloe slept in his bed- tossing and turning as the nightmares claimed her. Hair fanned out on his black sheets and one of his pillows wrapped in her arms as she squeezed it to death. He watched her for a second, brushing back wet hair from her forehead as she slept and smiling as the frown between her brows smoothed and her lips loosened as her dreams calmed.

He liked how he could do that for her.

Especially after what he had to do in his domain.

He grimaced, leaving Chloe to sleep as he moved to his bar and poured himself a quick drink and swallowing it without tasting it. He made himself another one and took it with him to his balcony, sitting down and closing his eyes, trying not to think of the horrors he’d seen, the horrors he had to inflict… the horrors he’d seen others endure.

He wasn’t sure how long he was there for, but as usual at some point he heard soft pads of bare feet on marble and a soft sigh as Chloe appeared next to him. She hovered at his side for a second, before slowly sinking into the seat next to him. She took the drink from him, placing it down, and claiming his hands for her own.

They sat like that for a while. Breathing in the cooler night air as their heart rates slowed and their peace returned. Eventually he turned to look at her, eyes dark as he stared into her sad blue ones. Whether she was sad for him, herself, or both of them- he never really knew. “Chloe, I-”

She shushed him by placing a finger over his lips. Her eyes kind as she smiled. “It’s okay. We have time.” Her voice was soft, melodic, like her; a gorgeous harp lost in a sea of noisy guitars. Beautiful, calm, and could carry everything through if she needed.

He nodded, taking her wrist of the finger that was on his mouth, and lightly pulled her towards him. She went willingly, climbing onto his lap and burying her head into his neck. He was aware he still smelled like brimstone and ash, but she still breathed deeply into him and relaxed. He held her tighter, relaxing into her returned embrace.

Sometime later he felt her nuzzling his neck, her small teeth biting at the skin. He groaned at the feeling. But, still, he took her by the shoulders and pulled her back. “Chloe, what are you-?” He didn’t really know how to finish that sentence.

Her eyes were calm, serene, as she moved to brush her lips over his. He allowed her to take lead, letting her tongue slip between his lips and relished in the feeling of her small body pressing into his. She pulled back, a small genuine smile on her lips. “Do you want too?”

He relaxed backwards, staring at her carefully trying to find any sense of doubt in her eyes, anything that told him that she was doing this for him- to make him feel better, but he couldn’t see anything that told him so. He nodded, tightly. “Always, but-” But? But what? But he didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want her to leave. To have her fear him leaving her. “We have all the time in the world.” He added.

She laughed, a soft reassuring sound as her smile grew a little. It was the first real smile he’d seen from her in ages. “I know.” She pulled him back to her lips, tracing along with her tongue and her hands threading in his hair as she moved to straddle him. His hands came to her waist automatically to balance her. “But I think we’ve waited long enough.”

He couldn’t agree more. “If you’re sure?” He eyed her closely, still looking for signs of doubt.

There weren’t any as she smiled at him, shifting her hips so she slid deeper into his lap. He hissed at the contact, it had been so long for him- and for her he supposed. “I’m sure.” She replied, shifting again and pulling him down to her as she kissed him long and hard.

He stood, quickly, and she giggled as she wrapped her legs around his hips and her hands around his shoulders as she latched on. He held her carefully as he moved them to his bedroom, dropping her onto the sheets and watching the joy - an emotion he couldn’t remember being on her face in so _so_ long – shine in her eyes as she grabbed at him.

He followed willingly, dropping onto the bed next to her and taking her into his arms.

Their first time, and certainly not their last, was a way for them to begin mending their broken parts, their old wounds and new wounds finding the first glimmer of light towards healing. Their torn weathered souls merging into one as they writhed together on the bed throughout the night. Finding laughter for the first time in forever as they enjoyed, learned, and basked in each other. As they both reached their peaks, time and time again, they remembered what it meant to be with the other. The wholeness, the completeness, the rightness of their being.

Sweaty and exhausted, both with overjoyed smiles on their faces as they collapsed next to each other, this was their way of restoring what had been lost. Their way of finding peace. Their way of curing the pain in their hearts, the sorrow that still lay behind their eyes, but was less now- this was their way of finding once again where they belonged.

With each other.

Always.

And… and if, from somewhere up above, another old and tired soul smiled down at them, satisfied with how He had planned everything, and how it had worked out. Well… the quiet skies betrayed no truth.

No one would be anymore the wiser.

His two creations lay tangled in the sheets. Sated. Joyful. Slowly their souls were beginning their journey of healing. Towards each other. Made for each other. As He had intended.

_...He smiled._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, keeping my word from my last fic, this does contain Luci/Chloe interactions ;)
> 
> If you still love me, my next fic will be a lovely porny smutty fic- because, why not? I need it. You guys surely do. 
> 
> Thoughts?


End file.
